Anna Nicole Smith Diary Reveals Heartache, Anxiety

Anna Nicole Smith was a tabloid fixture both in life and in death – and with the release this week of pages from her personal diary, it would seem the last vestige of privacy she may have had is gone. The poorly-spelled excerpts, written from 1991-92, revealed that Smith was both excited and nervous about getting plastic surgery for her breasts, worried about a jealous boyfriend, and anxious about being pregnant.

In one entry, Smith expresses anger about her then-mate’s partying ways. “We discussed it and he said he wouldn’t go out and get drunk no more unless it was with me,” Smith wrote. In another, she says her boyfriend “came unglued. threw me out of his house & broke up with me it was awlful he hit me and my mother.”

Born Vickie Lynn Smith, the former Playboy Playmate was found dead in her Florida hotel room on Feb. 8 after taking a fatal combination of prescription drugs. The released pages precede her marriage to oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II. At some points Smith seems happy, writing “I’m so excited I could scream” in reference to her plans to get breast surgery.

Many of the entries though are tinged with sadness, especially when Smith refers to her mom: “She is so jealous of me. … I love my mom but I cant handle it anymore.” She also deals with the shock of becoming pregnant: “I’m so scared! How can this happen to me.” She adds that her boyfriend at the time “will hate me. he don’t want kid. Can’t do it!”

Smith would have two children years later – Daniel, who died last year at age 20 from a drug overdose, and Dannielynn, who’s just eight months old. Larry Birkhead is the youngster’s father.

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