Dumb Crooks X3

If you’re a regular reader of Strange But True, you know we love dumb crook stories. And this time, we’ve got a rare treat – a triple header of tales that prove crime doesn’t pay and that most stick-up artists  aren’t exactly candidates for Mensa.

We begin last Wednesday in the city of Lawrence, Massachusetts, where a man walked into a Chinese food restaurant and asked for change for, of all things, a quarter. That should have sparked suspicion right away – what can you buy for less than 25 cents?

The clerk dutifully opened the register to scoop out the coins when the man suddenly stuck his hand in the till and grabbed $150. The owner began yelling for police as the suspect scurried away.

But he didn’t scurry far.

It turns out four plainclothes officers were sitting in the restaurant at the time and watched the whole caper go down. They abandoned their meal, chased the guy down and put the cuffs on him.

Too bad he didn’t consult a fortune cookie first. It might have told him it’s not wise to rob a place where police are eating their moo goo gai pan.

Our next stop is Des Moines, Iowa, and another fast food-type joint, this time a Domino’s pizza. A 55-year-old entered the outlet on Saturday night, claimed he had a gun and demanded cash. The clerk behind the counter handed over $137 and the guy fled.

But he didn’t get far.

Two managers caught up to him and confronted the hapless bandit, demanding he give back the money. And he did, sheepishly handing over $117 of his ill gotten gains. He then ran off, keeping a $20 for his trouble.

It was a small bill and a big mistake.

Cops found the missing legal tender in his apartment and used it as evidence to charge him with two counts of second-degree robbery. They never found a gun and it’s likely he never had one. But at least he was able to “give back” to his community.

Our final stop on this tour of the stupid heads west to Denver, and another pizza joint, this time just opening for business on a Friday morning.

The manager arrived early and opened the place up, only to see something he hadn’t left there the night before – a pair of legs hanging from a vent above the oven.

It seems a robber decided to do a little impromptu takeout of his own when the place was closed, so he tried to fit his 5’10”, 170-lbs. frame down through the opening over the stove.

He didn’t make it.

When the employee arrived the next morning, he heard the man screaming for help, after being stuck in the narrow passage for at least five hours.

He’s been charged with burglary and was apparently upset. But you wouldn’t think he’d be so angry. After all, he’d just had a lot of time to ‘vent.’