Polyamory vs. Polygamy: What sets them apart?

The face of Canadian families is changing. In a series of reports and in an upcoming documentary “Thoroughly Modern Families”, Citytv is looking at non-nuclear families. Households that may not look like the “norm” but are fighting to be seen and heard.

For several years, polyamorous relationships have worked to be distinguished from the illegal form of marriage, polygamy,  recently represented in modern culture with recent shows like “Sister Wives and “Big Love”

Polygamy is the type of relationship in which one person has more than one spouse and is most often found in specific faith-based, patriarchal groups.

It’s illegal in Canada and has led to the high-profile convictions of James Oler and Winston Blackmore who were both former leaders in the fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in B.C. The court found Blackmore had 25 wives and Oler had five wives.

Hence why those who are polyamorous have a strong desire to differentiate themselves from polygamy.

One of the main differences between the two is marriage.

“A polygamous relationship is one in which more than two adults are married to each other at the same time. Polyamory, on the other hand, doesn’t imply any necessity of marriage,” said John-Paul Boyd, a Calgary-based attorney specializing in family law.

Boyd says while a pair within a polyamorous relationship can be married to each other, it is not “fundamental defining characteristic.”

Another distinction is many of the kinds of polygamy we see practiced on television and in the trials of Oler and Blackmore is patriarchal and “religiously-mandated,” almost the opposite of the fundamentals of polyamory.

“One of the key values of people who identify as polyamory is equality, regardless of gender identity and regardless of parental status. And they are not mandated by God in general. These are individuals who are pursuing their heart,” said Boyd.

“Polyamory is in many senses a rejection of social norms. It is a fierce pursuit of one’s own interests and one’s own preferences,” he added.

Due to the illegality of a person being married to more than one person, it also forces polyamorous couples to make tough choices.

“From a family perspective, the rights and obligations that pertain within a family relationship dissolves are governed by important definitions about who qualifies as a spouse, who qualifies as a parent or guardian, and who qualifies as a child,” Boyd explained. “And the difficulty for individuals with polyamorous relationships is attempting to discern whether they fit in within those particular definitions.”

However, Boyd argues the right to marry is not a fight polyamorous groups put on the forefront in their battle for acceptance.

Maggie, Grace and Aaron, a polyamorous triad featured in the upcoming Citytv documentary “Veracity: Thoroughly Modern Families,” say families like theirs don’t need a wedding ceremony to prove their commitment, but are working towards a legal solution that still protects all involved. In the documentary, we’ll explore the legal options available to families like them.

While polyamory is a prevalent theme in the documentary, it also explores other family templates that fall outside of the nuclear template.

“Veracity: Thoroughly Modern Families” airs Sunday January 30th at 9 p.m. only on Citytv.