Teaching Your Kids How To Escape An Abductor

It’s unbearable when it appears to be a stranger. It’s almost as bad when a family member is suspected of being involved.

Child Find Ontario claims a youngster is reported missing every 9 minutes in Canada.

What can you and your kids do to prevent the scenario from hitting your family?

A service known as the Escape School has been set up to help teach your kids everything they need to know to get away in the event they run into a stranger with some bad intentions in mind.

Instructors teach various moves, including the Windmill and the Velcro, two easy to learn techniques that can help a youngster get out of someone’s grasp. There are also tips like holding onto a bike, preventing a child from being dragged into a waiting car. The information actually helped save a tyke who was being dragged away in the U.S.

None of the techniques are hard to learn, and can be taught in about an hour.  

“We will teach them when to run in the same direction and when to run in the opposite direction,” explains volunteer trainer Maureen Biancone.

The program is North America-wide but in Toronto, the place to call is the Jerrett Funeral Home at 6191 Yonge St. The number for more information is (416) 654-7744. Or you can click here for an overview.

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And here’s some practical information on common abduction reduction techniques.

There are two kinds of abductions- stranger and family.

FAMILY KIDNAPPING

Before An Abduction

If you suspect a family member will try and abduct your child, especially if there’s a bitter custody battle in progress, experts suggest you try and stay on friendly terms with the person you suspect. They’re less likely to want to seek revenge if they feel you’re being reasonable. The same goes for your estranged in-laws, who could help shelter the abductor.

If that’s not possible, get a court order asking for interim custody, so that the youngster will at least be with you. Makes sure it has the following provisions:

The non-custodial parent may not travel with the child outside of the province without first notifying you or the court in writing.

The non-custodial parent is to surrender his or her passport, and the child’s if they possess it, to his/her lawyer. Be aware that the potential abductor may still seek an additional or duplicate passport from his/her country of birth.

The non-custodial parent is to post a bond (buy a special insurance policy) to ensure that the child is returned at the end of the visitation period.

Certify the custody order and keep it up to date. Keep a copy with you at all times.

Be sure that your children’s school, day care, babysitter, and camp understand the custody arrangements and state clearly, in writing, who is allowed to pick up your children. Give copies of the custody order to these people.

If the non-custodial parent is allowed visitation with your children, specify time-frames.

If you as the custodial parent agree to allow the non-custodial parent to take your children on a holiday, you can get a consent order through the courts. Or, you can simply put your consent in writing, documenting departure and return dates and times. Be specific and leave no room for interpretation. Makes sure the non-custodial parent sign the document. Be wary if they refuse. If you’re worried about the other parent not returning the children, don’t give permission.

Keep Good Records

Have an up-to-date picture of your child and a record of their vital stats: weight, height, eye and hair colour. Also note any birthmarks, scars or other distinguishing marks. This is urgent in either scenario.

Have your ex-partner’s info, too, including a picture so they can be tracked if needed. You may want to also keep track of his or her social insurance number, driver’s license and license plate information. This can be vital if worse comes to worse. Also: try to keep a list of their contacts and friends they may call if they’re on the run.

Talk To Your Kids

You don’t want to scare them, but it’s important they know about the troubles you’re having and your suspicions. Use a password that’s easy for your children to remember, so that if you must send a friend of family member to pick them up, they will know it’s safe because that person knows the magic words. This works for both estranged family members and strangers, but only if you get them to promise to keep it a secret between the two of you.

It sounds bizarre, but let your kids know you love and want them. Some abductors use the ruse of telling them ‘mommy or daddy no longer wants you, so they gave you away’. Others say you died in an accident. Both are scary scenarios but young kids are especially vulnerable to them.

Listen to your kids. They may know what the abductor is planning.

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Other things to note:

The exact date and time the child was taken and where they were last seen.

How they got away if known (cab, car, bus, etc.)

Old habits and interests of the accused abductor that may lead cops to where he or she might hide.

If you suspect the person is heading to a specific country, notify the consulates there as soon as possible.

Get a legal order prohibiting the person from travelling with the child. This should be done quickly, and you’ll need to consult a lawyer.

Freeze any joint bank accounts or credit cards.

Call the child’s school in case the abductor calls to ‘explain’ the absence.

Check with the airlines to see if they’ve booked passage on flights out of the country.

Signs An Abduction Is Imminent

Many are unexpected and sudden but a few give clues early.

Resigning from a job

Selling of property

Liquidating of assets

Closing of bank accounts

Applying for a passport

 

Behavioural changes:

Impulsiveness

Physical violence

Cruelty

Inflexibility

Instability

Rejection of a court’s authority and of the social system in general

Tendency to be dominated or influenced by the family, sudden return to the practice of religion and to traditional customs.

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The worst has happened and you kid has been taken. Now what do you do? 

 Immediately report your child missing to your local law enforcement agency.

Ask for the name and phone number of the officer assigned to your case, and keep this information in a safe and convenient place.

Give the officer all the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance of your child, including what efforts were already made to search for your child.

Call the Birth Certificate Office at 1-800-461-2156 to block any application for a birth certificate by the abducting parent. The Birth Certificate Office will ask for a letter stating that the child has been abducted and may have been taken out of the country. They may need to see a court order before they place an alert in the computer file.

Limit access to your home until law enforcement arrives and has collected all possible evidence. Don’t touch or remove anything from your child’s room or from your home. Clothing, sheets, personal items, computers, and even trash may hold clues to the whereabouts of your child.

Write a detailed description of the clothing worn by your child and the personal items he or she had at the time of the disappearance. Include any personal identification marks, such as birthmarks, scars, tattoos, mannerisms that may help in finding your child. If possible, find a picture of your child that shows those identification marks and give it to the officer.

Make a list of friends, acquaintances, and relatives who might have information or clues about your child’s whereabouts. Include telephone number and addresses if possible.

Designate one person to answer your telephone. Keep a notebook by the telephone so this person can jot down names, telephone numbers, dates and times of calls, and other information relating to each call.

Keep a notebook or pad of paper with you at all times to write down thoughts or questions and record important information, such as names, dates, or telephone numbers.

Ask your officer for help in contacting the media, if appropriate.

Don’t forget the rest of your family, who will also be frantic with worry.

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STRANGER ABDUCTIONS

There’s only so much you can do after it happens, so prevention is the key here. Many kids taken by strangers never return home, so it’s vital your kids know the rules about what to do if they encounter an adult they don’t know who wants to have contact with them.

Talking To Strangers: Don’t teach your child to fear strangers, but strangeness. If a youngster can’t talk to strangers, who will they go to in an emergency?

Trust Your Instincts: If someone doesn’t make them feel safe, it’s OK to run away and tell an adult they trust.

Vehicles: Never approach them. In fact, if ever approached by a vehicle, advise them to RUN in the opposite direction that the vehicle is traveling and tell an adult.

It’s OK To Yell: If someone grabs your child, they should hit, kick, and yell as loudly as possible.

Emergency Numbers: Remind children that in an emergency, they can dial 911 or 0 from a phone booth, without any money.

Safety In Numbers: Children should always travel in groups of 2 or more. They should always take the same route and check in when they arrive home, if necessary.

Teach More Than Once: Start young, teach them again and again – and practice dangerous situations, modifying and adjusting to fit their growing understanding.

Adults Don’t Ask Children For Help: So if someone does, it’s a sign of danger. Tell them to run, and tell an adult they trust.

People With Bad Intentions Don’t Always Look Like Bad People: Dangerous people can look friendly. Your kids should know they aren’t good people if they feel badly when they’re with them. Again, teach them to trust their instincts.

Secrets: If someone tells them to keep a secret from your mom or your dad, let them know they shouldn’t and to tell their parents right away. That’s a big sign of danger.

Ask First: Teach them never to go anywhere, with anyone, without their parent’s permission.

Lost In A Store: If your child gets lost in a store, they can ask for help from a person in uniform who works for the store, or they can go to the till, or find a woman (especially a woman with a child – and ask for help). But remind them of this cardinal rule: don’t ever leave the store with anyone, even with the woman or someone else in a uniform.

On the Internet: Under no circumstances should kids ever be allowed to give out their real name, address or phone number over the web and they must never arrange to meet a ‘friend’ they made online.

What can adults do?

Provide school or day-care centre the names of persons to whom your child may be released. Also inform the school or day-care centre who to notify in the event that the child does not arrive at school.

Look carefully at your child’s clothing each day.

Keep an up-to-date colour photograph of your child, at least one for each year (more for younger children).

Know your child’s approximate weight and height.

Keep a medical and dental history of your child’s blood type, medical problems, scars, broken bones, pulled teeth, braces, glasses, medication allergies, etc.

Have your child fingerprinted and keep the prints with other pertinent information.
Avoid putting your child’s name on the outside of clothing, toys, lunch boxes, or school bags. This is important because children are less likely to be fearful of someone who knows their name.

Check all potential babysitters and older friends of your child.

Never leave your child alone in a public place, stroller, or car.

Always accompany children to the bathroom in a public place, and advise them never to loiter in or around the area.

Always accompany your child on door-to-door activities, i.e., Halloween, school fundraising campaigns.

Make a list of important names, telephone numbers and addresses, and place these where they’re easily accessible to the child at home, preferably near the telephone.

What to do if your child tells you they’ve been approached or assaulted:

Listen to your child and let him or her tell YOU in their own words, or with drawings or dolls if that’s easier, but don’t suggest words or modify what’s being said. Your ideas might confuse the truth.

Children seldom lie about sexual abuse. Reassure the child that you believe what he/she has said, and that you’re glad to have been told about it.

Don’t blame the child, show horror or anger, or encourage any belief in the child that this was his/her fault.

Support the child and recognize their feelings, whether it’s anger, fear, sadness, or anxiety, and assure the child that you’ll protect them from any further abuse.

Let your child know that you’re going to take steps to make this stop, but don’t burden the child with details about what happens next. Professionals can help you guide your child through that process.

If you suspect that your child or any other child has been abused, you must by law call the police or the child protection officials.

If your child is to be interviewed by a social worker or police officer, ensure that someone familiar to the child is also present.

Courtesy: Waterloo Region District School Board, Missing Children’s Network Canada and Child Find Ontario.