OPINION: Brain Slushies and Glocks: Tween Blogging Gone Wrong

Courtesy TheMarkNews.com

The 11-year-old video blogger, Jessica Leonhardt is under police protection after her YouTube videos attracted the attention of a virtual horde of internet bullies. Jessica’s troubles began when she made a video in which she rebuked her online haters and trolls (internet jargon for douchebags) for giving her a hard time.

The original video has since been removed from YouTube, but nothing ever disappears from the internet if enough people want to see it. There are music remixes of the original “pop a glock” episode. Numerous unedited versions of the original video remain on YouTube and have migrated to video sites across the internet.

Unfortunately for Jessica, her retort was a big juicy target for haters. A little girl mouthing off and telling her audience that, “If you can’t realize that and stop hatin’, I’ll pop a glock in your mouth and make a brain slushie” is both funny and sad. The obvious contradiction of saying the equivalent of “can’t we all just get along” while threatening to put a gun in your opponent’s mouth and “make a brain slushie” made poor Jessica the ideal poster girl in the category of what-not-to-let-your-tweens-do-with-webcams.

With the astuteness of a seasoned anthropologist, this child drank deeply from America’s heartland and found therein the raw symbolic materials of gangstas and flavoured frozen drink. A nation adrift in unrestrained gun ownership and bad nutrition provided an answer to her problems – the brain slushie – the delicious destruction of one’s opponents.

Jessica’s grasp of apple-pie issues and her outspoken approach positions her as a future leader of the Tea Party. Jessica’s plea to her fans to “hate on the haters” reminds us of Sarah Palin’s call to the party faithful: “Don’t retreat – reload.” Her tactics are right out of the Republican playbook. Her platform rallies middle America around retribution, the NRA, and the industrial food complex — street justice, guns, and slushies for all.

Along with guns and junk food, Jessica’s diatribe embodies the narcissism that is said to characterize anyone under 30. Honestly, where does an otherwise average-looking kid get the notion that “I’m perfect, and you’re not. Nobody else can be this pretty with no makeup on.” Is putting others down the only way Generation YouTube can feel good about themselves?

When questioned about her parental role, Jessica’s mother, Dianne had no idea her daughter was video blogging on YouTube. In her own defense, Dianne explained that “I can’t be in the same room with her 24/7.” Yet no one expects a parent to be in their tween’s presence 24/7.

Perhaps all Dianne needed to do was spend just .5/7 — a mere 30 minutes a day with Jessica going over her daughter’s online activity. But no. The standard parenting approach to media and children these days seems to be thus: “Here is a TV, a computer, and a webcam for your bedroom. Try not to bother mommy and daddy as we are very busy working so we can participate in overconsumption with the rest of America. Knock yourself out kid.”

And so we find tween Jessica unsupervised on YouTube, telling her haters to “Suck my non-existing penis, OK?” No wonder that, when initially confronted about the videos by parents and police, Jessica denied making any.

To make matters worse, in a subsequent YouTube video Jessica’s father, John, expresses his opinion about his daughter’s haters.

Predictably, the whole affair went viral. Jessica, I am afraid that we will have to refudiate you.

Afterword:

I tried to find the origins of “brain slushie.” Google returned a mere 4,450 hits, many of which suggest that Jessica herself may have coined the phrase. Of course, you can now order brain slushie T-shirt online.

The Mark News is Canada’s online forum for opinion and analysis.