‘Where’s Helen?’ 4 women share their IVF journeys in hopes of helping others
Posted May 6, 2022 1:35 pm.
Last Updated May 6, 2022 2:22 pm.
A chance encounter in the waiting room of a fertility clinic led to four women sharing their in vitro fertilization (IVF) journeys in a new book titled, Where’s Helen?: Real and Raw Infertility Journeys.
And this Mother’s Day, when things might not be rosy for those who are trying to become mothers themselves, they hope this book will provide both emotional and financial support for someone else on the same journey.
Helen is a nurse at the Markham fertility clinic where eight women first formed a bond over trying to get pregnant in 2020 after the nurse was running a little late one morning. They started a WhatsApp group to provide each other with support and understanding.
“The room just filled up with all these women and everyone kept asking, ‘Where’s Helen?’,” said co-author Courtney Di Stefano. “So I was just looking around the room and looking at all these women and thinking to myself that I’m struggling so much right now. And I’m having a really hard time talking about it with people.”
Di Stefano said she spoke up and asked if they wanted to start a support group.
“I felt that, you know, they’re going through the same thing that I’m going through and I need a support system and I wonder if they need one as well,” she said.
The idea to write a book came from co-author Jenny Belanger.
“I dreamt about this book and I feel looking back it came from being a part of this WhatsApp group,” Belanger said.
“When I met these incredible women and it was like, ‘Ah, so nice to talk to women who have been through my exact journey.’ They just get it, they’re in the trenches with me. So I thought, let’s try and reach hundreds of women. And that’s where the dream thing kind of came from,” said Belanger.
Each of the co-authors, including Leah Dies and Sara Kalan, share their individual experiences with IVF.
“We’ve all had different experiences. So that’s kind of the premise of our book is that infertility is so different and so unique to each different story. But the experience as a whole, it’s very similar,” said Dies. “You can really relate to someone going through it. So, you know, our hope is that people read, you know, the different stories and they they find comfort in knowing they’re not alone. They can relate to to some stories, maybe more than than another.”
The group also plans on using 40 per cent of the proceeds of the book to help another potentially get pregnant.
“It was great opportunity for us to create a you know, a private charity like it is right now right and possibly go bigger one day. But just to give back to a family. We know the struggles and how much it is and some people are blocked by finances. And they can’t actually get to the next step of IVF or even an IUI (intrauterine insemination) because they can’t afford it,” said Belanger. “And it is heartbreaking to see people struggle and go through that.”
“If we can just even give another family a little bit of hope by giving back to them then I think that would just like mean the world to to all of us,” added Belanger. “It’s a very heartwarming feeling that that you get and we all know that.”
The four co-authors are also working on building an online community on Instagram to support as many women as they can.
And Helen is well aware of her impact on them.
“Helen does know. She was a little bit shocked that her name was used but we explained her it was for a good reason. And we gave her a gift basket to say thank you,” said Dies. “She laughed a little bit after when she realized what what the name was about.”
The book is available now and the group plans to put out an application process in the fall for the family they will choose to be the recipients of their proceeds.
With files from Meredith Bond
