Survey Lists Top 50 Reasons Why Men & Women Have Sex

Remember the old 60s expression ‘If it feels good, do it”? That’s just one the many reasons people cite for having sex. You wouldn’t think anyone would actually do a survey on the ‘why’ of the most committed act on the planet. But someone has. The research comes from the University of Texas, where two professors spent five years discovering the main reasons people do what comes naturally. And despite the often cited differences between men and women, the final results may surprise you.

Study co-author Cindy Meston explains her survey of college-aged men and women is the first to explore the ‘why’ instead of the more usual questions about the ‘how’. And her conclusions may shatter some long held beliefs, with being attracted to a person coming in as the number one reason for intimate encounters for both sexes – and not just satisfying a physical need. “It’s refuted a lot of gender stereotypes … that men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love,” the clinical psychology professor outlines. “That’s not what I came up with in my findings.”

Meston questioned 444 men and women about the reasons they chose to sleep with someone and found a number of different explanations. Some claimed it’s simply ‘fun’, while others admitted they wanted the ‘physical pleasure’. A number of respondents called it ‘the next step in a relationship’ while a few admitted they were merely ‘curious’.

But while the pleasures of the flesh were well represented, so were some equally disturbing answers. At the top of the list of most infrequent responses were admissions like “I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease” or “I was offered drugs in exchange.” Equally revealing answers included “I wanted to get a raise/a job/a promotion,” and “I wanted to breakup another’s relationship.” And then there were those who just “wanted to change the topic of conversation.”

All the answers were submitted to more than 1,500 psychology students who were asked to rank the answers based on their own experiences. And the laws of attraction came out on top. “None of the gender differences are all that great,” Meston points out. “Men were more likely to be opportunistic towards having sex, so if sex were there and available they would jump on it, somewhat more so than women. Women were more likely to have sex because they felt they needed to please their partner.”

So how do Toronto’s lovers respond to the question? “I guess it’s a guilty pleasure,” shrugs one man. 

“It’s pleasurable,” adds another.

“It’s legal,” concludes a third. Well, most of the time it is.

Some impassioned pleaders insist there’s something else at work. “Guys … when their hormones are up and they like to have sex with different girls because they feel it’s something they need,” comes one macho suggestion.

And then there’s that old standby about alcohol freeing our inhibitions. And nothing could be more Canadian than beer. “Hey, if you have a couple beers, two, three, four, five, things like that are bound to happen,” laughs one respondent.

But maybe the best reason of all comes from a couple who aren’t from the college age crowd and who have clearly made their relationship work for years. “We don’t need a reason,” the husband assures, looking at his significant other. “We just do it when we feel like it.”

See the survey (.pdf file)

Top 50 Reasons For Having Sex

Women/Men

1. I was attracted to the person/I was attracted to the person
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure/It feels good
3. It feels good/I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person/It’s fun
5. I wanted to express my love for the person/I wanted to show my affection to the person
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release/I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
7. I was “horny”/I was “horny”
8. It’s fun/ I wanted to express my love for the person
9. I realized I was in love/I wanted to achieve an orgasm
10. I was “in the heat of the moment”/I wanted to please my partner

11. I wanted to please my partner/The person’s physical appearance turned me on
12. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy)/I wanted the pure pleasure
13. I wanted the pure pleasure/I was “in the heat of the moment”
14. I wanted to achieve an orgasm/I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy)
15. It’s exciting, adventurous/It’s exciting, adventurous
16. I wanted to feel connected to the person/The person had a desirable body
17. The person’s physical appearance turned me on /I realized I was in love
18. It was a romantic setting/The person had an attractive face
19. The person really desired me/The person really desired me
20. The person made me feel sexy/I wanted the adventure/excitement

21. The person caressed me/I wanted to feel connected to the person
22. It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship/I wanted the experience
23. I wanted to become one with another person/It was a romantic setting
24. It just happened/The person caressed me
25. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex/The person made me feel sexy
26. I wanted the experience/It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship
27. I wanted the adventure-excitement/ I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex
28. The person had an attractive face/I wanted to keep my partner satisfied
29. The person was a good kisser/The opportunity presented itself
30. I wanted to intensify my relationship/It just happened

31. My hormones were out of control/I wanted to intensify my relationship
32. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions/I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions
33. I wanted to feel loved/My hormones were out of control
34. The person had a desirable body/The person was too “hot” to resist
35. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion/I was curious about my sexual abilities
36. I wanted to communicate at a “deeper” level/I wanted to improve my sexual skills
37. I was curious about sex/I wanted to become one with another person
38. It was a special occasion/I saw the person naked and could not resist
39. The person was intelligent/The person was a good kisser
40. I wanted to say “I’ve missed you”/I wanted to feel loved

41. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied/I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion
42. I got “carried away”/The person was too physically attractive to resist
43. The opportunity presented itself/It was a special occasion
44. The person had a great sense of humour/I hadn’t had sex for a while
45. I wanted to improve my sexual skills/The person had beautiful eyes
46. I was curious about my sexual abilities/I wanted to communicate at a “deeper” level 47. The person seemed self-confident/I wanted to experiment with new experiences
48. I wanted to make up after a fight/The person was intelligent
49. I was drunk/I wanted to keep my partner happy
50. I was turned on by the sexual conversation/I was curious about what the person was like in bed

Most infrequent reasons for having sex

Women/Men

1. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease/The person offered to give me drugs for doing it
2. Someone offered me money to do it/I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease
3. I wanted to get a raise/I wanted to punish myself
4. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization/I wanted to breakup my relationship
5. I wanted to get a job/I wanted to get a job
6. I wanted to get a promotion /It was an initiation rite to a club or organization
7. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it/Someone offered me money to do it
8. I wanted to punish myself/ I was afraid to say “no” due to the possibility of physical
harm
9. I wanted to hurt-humiliate the person/I wanted to make money
10. I wanted to feel closer to God/I wanted to feel closer to God

11. I wanted to breakup my relationship/I wanted to get a raise
12. I wanted to breakup another’s relationship/I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person
13. I wanted to be used or degraded/Because of a bet
14. I wanted to gain access to that person’s friend/I wanted to breakup another’s relationship
15. I wanted to get a favor from someone/I wanted to get a promotion
16. I wanted to enhance my reputation/I wanted to hurt an enemy
17. It would get me gifts/It would get me gifts
18. I wanted to make money/The person had a lot of money
19. I wanted to hurt an enemy/I wanted to be used or degraded
20. Because of a bet/I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship by having sex with his/her partner
21. It was a favor to someone/I wanted to get rid of a headache
22. I wanted to end the relationship/It would damage my reputation if I said “no”
23. I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship by having sex with his-her partner/I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me
24. It would damage my reputation if I said “no”/ I felt sorry for the person
25. The person had a lot of money/I wanted to gain access to that person’s friend
26. Someone dared me/I wanted to be popular
27. I wanted to have more sex than my friends/I was physically forced to
28. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner/I felt jealous
29. I thought it would boost my social status/The person bought me jewelry
30. I wanted to be popular/I wanted to end the relationship

31. I wanted to get a special favor from someone/My friends pressured me into it
32. I was afraid to say “no” due to the possibility of physical harm/It was a favor to someone
33. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps/I wanted to get a favor from someone
34. My friends pressured me into it/Someone dared me
35. I felt sorry for the person/I wanted to avoid hurting someone’s feelings
36. I felt jealous/My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else
37. My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else/I wanted to be popular
38. I wanted to get rid of a headache/I felt guilty
39. I wanted to change the topic of conversation/I wanted to enhance my reputation
40. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them/I wanted to gain acceptance from friends

41. I wanted to impress friends/I thought it would boost my social status
42. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him-her/I thought it would help “trap” a new partner
43. I wanted to get out of doing something/I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else
44. I wanted to get even with someone/I wanted to get out of doing something
45. I wanted to make someone else jealous/I wanted to have a child
46. I was competing with someone else to “get the person”/I wanted to make someone else jealous
47. I thought it would help “trap” a new partner/I wanted to change the topic of conversation
48. I was slumming/I wanted to defy my parents
49. I wanted to brag to friends about my conquests/I wanted to stop my partner’s nagging
50. The person demanded that I have sex with him-her/I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me